HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED

Off the Nail Table

By Bee “Classy Claws” Lalli

As a Nail Technician I make it a point to get to know my clients on a deeper level. I’m the girl they dish it all out to. Some of my girls tell me more than they tell their best friends because they know there is no judgment at my end of the table. 






The way I make them feel that way is by telling them some of the most disconcerting things I myself have done. But the key in that is to tell them shamelessly.

 So baby I preach! 

We’re all human and once you tell a girl that

                                 ...you’ve smeared dog dung

...on the inside of an ex’s car door handles 

and windshield wipers and parked close
enough to watch the show go down, they’re 
more inclined to tell you some of their

dirty little secrets.

 Where to start. I love this topic, hell; 

I have so many stories I’m going to make this a monthly column.

 I’ll use the alias Legend for this specific client. Legend is just that, a legend. She is where the phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” originated. So Legend had been dating the same man for 7 years and like any couple they've had their ^ups and _downs. Legend had her trust issues, which led her to put a key logger on her mans phone and laptop. A few months into having this key logger installed on his phone she found out he was cheating again. So Legend used a cannier way to get retribution. She hadn't led on to knowing about his infidelity in order to have full access to his life.

 It started with his favorite brownies. 
Lets just say they were a different kind of “brownie”

….. Legend wasn’t stopping there. Legend's man was planning a “road trip” but from her key logger she knew he was actually just going to the next city to spend the weekend with his heaux, so our dear Legend put water in his gas tank *Chemistry reminder, oil floats on water* so midway through his “roadtrip” his car stopped which made him look like a captain of team scrub to his side heaux. Amazing right? However, that didn’t earn her the title of  “legend” those were just the appetizers. Ladies, what you are about to read will forever change your life. You will now know how to deal with the trifling behaviors of the future “men” in your life. One day while he was at work Legend called an old friend to get the key ingredient of her main course, Vengeance. She took his pre-workout pills and carefully twisted open the capsules, and then inserted a half tab of acid into about 5 of the pills. She later that week got the following phone call:

Trifler: *sounds erratic* "Babe, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m trippin and cant even finish my workout, I stepped in quicksand full of clowns"

 Legend:  *tries not to laugh* "What do you mean weird? Did you drink out of somebody else’s water bottle? I heard some kids have been leaving molly water around gyms as a fun prank….."

 When he got back to the apartment Legend was gone, she left a printed transcript of his conversations with Heaux on the table and started a new life.

Ladies. That is a legend.

xoxo

bee






Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and Mister GC at FreeDigitalPhotos.net